Mating in Captivity (2006) explores the question that everyone in a committed relationship asks: Is it possible to sustain passion over a long period of time? "Mating in Captivity" invites us to explore the paradoxical union of domesticity and sexual desire, and explains what it takes to bring lust home. Our quest for secure love conflicts with our pursuit of passion. The idea that the closer you get to someone, the more comfortable with them, the safer you feel, the less attracted to them you are just seems ludicrous (and if that's true I feel like maybe you've got some solo therapy to do). Nonsense. Mating in Captivity invites us to explore the paradoxical union of domesticity and sexual desire, and explains what it takes to bring lust home. She makes many good points, but she doesn’t address the actual needs of intimacy for women as real. Through case studies and lively discussion, Perel demonstrates how more exciting, playful, and even poetic sex is possible in long-term relationships. While Mating in Captivity shows why the domestic realm can feel like a cage, Perel's take on bedroom dynamics promises to liberate, enchant, and provoke. Here is a link to download the audio instead. If you're in a long-term relationship, or ever want to be in one, you must read this book. I have no idea, so I'll just say that this is an excellent introduction into an incredibly complex topic. by Harper, Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic. Drawing on more than twenty years of experience as a couples therapist, Perel examines the complexities of sustaining desire. Here, it seemed, she could learn an honest version of the mating dance—and form a union free of “Deathculture” lies. Psychoanalysts and psychologists tend to be obsessed with family as a source of all our sexual and other problems. Or maybe relations has morphed over the years from what seemed spicy and fresh into a short menu of the same ol' sauces and meats? Spring is Mother Nature’s way of saying, “Oof–let’s try this again.” The last 12 months have been, well, challenging is the polite term.... Esther Perel takes on tough questions, grappling with the obstacles and anxieties that arise when our quest for secure love conflicts with our pursuit of passion. A cutting statement that rings, “Today, we turn to one person to provide what an entire village once did[..]”, points to a problem and the balance that the author aims to bring more guidance around in the frame of long-term committed relationships. To maintain the sparks, Perel says there is a need to balance Love, which is about having, with Desire, which is about wanting, and creating a sense of oneness for deep emotional connection, without possessing of the other person. Which is a problem in this American society where our mate is supposed to be everything to us. Highly recommended. The broadest selection of online bookstores. Drawing on more than twenty years of experience as a couples therapist, Perel examines the complexities of sustaining desire. The main idea of Mating in Captivity in less than 100 words. They are the … And, more personally, how does a single man currently outside a long-term relationship do so? The author is a European, kink-and-alternative-lifestyle-friendly relationship therapist. Totally influencing my life right now. Perel points out that (the Western) society has as much, if not more, to do with the way we see sexuality and especially domestic sexuality. Full Summary of Mating in Captivity Overview. She maintains throughout the book that in order to develop intimacy between two people, there needs to be some separateness. Psychoanalysts and psychologists tend to be obsessed with family as a source of all our sexual and other problems. Sign up for Bookperk—daily bookish finds, fantastic deals, giveaways, and more! Mating in Captivity Quotes Showing 1-30 of 162 “For [erotically intelligent couples], love is a vessel that contains both security and adventure, and commitment offers one of the great luxuries of life: time. Insightful! The feeling after reading Mating In Captivity: A sense of clarity about the differences between love, desire and monogamy (three words that are often used to refer to the same thing). The author has an excellent command of written English, but her very strong Belgian accent makes following the text a hassle. Drawing on more than twenty years of experience as a couples therapist, Perel examines the complexities of sustaining desire. In the remainder of Mating in Captivity — one of the most lucid and liberating perspectives on love written in the past century — Perel goes on to explore how to integrate these paradoxical needs into the wholeness of a fully satisfying love. I saw Esther Perel on The Colbert Report and as always, Colbert made the conversation interesting. 1-Sentence-Summary:Mating In Captivityexplains the best sex advice that couples therapist Esther Perel has discovered in over twenty years of experience, and explains the barriers that can kill sexual desire in our domesticated society and what you and your spouse can do to remove them so you can enjoy better emotional and physical intimacy together. Read this if you ever plan to have sex with somebody you love in the long term or after commitment. In Mating in Captivity, Esther Perel looks at the story of sex in committed couples. We’re married, not Siamese twins. That you just have to "grow-up" and accept it? Start by marking “Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic” as Want to Read: Error rating book. Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence … Just a moment while we sign you in to your Goodreads account. + See More U.S. & International Retailers. It’s not the fault of living in the modern world where couples depend mainly on each other. This is, after all, what the book promises to do. This is really, really good. Autonomy and individual for a life outside the relationship is important, to fight off the feeling of captivity or lack of freedom, which can cause friction or co-dependency in the relationship. Modern romance promises it all – a lifetime of togetherness, intimacy and erotic desire. It never ceases to amaze me how people insist on planning and preparing for the most trivial things in their lives, and then completely neglect all of the psychological and scientific information for the things that they themselves consider to be the most important or long-term in their lives, like their relationships. Enlightening. Esther Perel speaking at the Smart Marriages Conference in Orlando, Florida.For more relational resources, visit estherperel.com. Smart, sexy and explosively original, Mating in Captivity is the … Mating in Captivity invites us to explore the paradoxical union of domesticity and sexual desire, and explains what it takes to bring lust home. A keen study of tyranny in microcosm, and the costs of acquiescence. Finished it in two days. I read this several years ago and remember it being a paradigm shifter for me. They know that they have years in which to deepen their connection, to experiment, to regress, and even to fail. A healthy, happy relationship is a relationship of two individuals and not two wobbly trees that need one another to stand. The answer, Esther Perel believes, is yes, and she wrote this book in hopes of showing us the way. This is for the great Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel. Mating in Captivity. *Please note that due to ongoing COVID-19 precautions, we are experiencing slower than normal order fulfillment and shipping timeframes. I disagree; Ms. Perel, in sharing the experiences of many of her clients, all likely composites, creates a rich tapestry for the reader to ponder the timeless tension between the domestic and the erotic. I published this book in 2006, and I am consistently grateful for the dialogue, exploration, and understanding that has followed. Your browser doesn't support HTML5 audio. In “Mating in Captivity” (2006), Esther Perel talks about the ways that sexual passion and long-term security are often at odds. In Mating in Captivity, Esther Perel looks at the story of sex in committed couples. In Mating in Captivity, Esther Perel looks at the story of sex in committed couples. Sexual fantasies are imaginings that create desire and excitement. September 5th 2006 And shows what it takes to bring lust home. When your entire book is based on the premise that intimacy kills desire, you've lost me. Is it any wonder that so many relationships crumble under the weight of it all?”, See all 3 questions about Mating in Captivity…, Rethinking Infidelity - a talk for anyone who has ever loved, The secret to desire in a long-term relationship, Mating in Captivity Unlocking Erotic Intelligence, Goodreads Members' Most Anticipated Spring Books. It’s a story that they are writing together, one with many chapters, and neither partner knows how it will end. It was quite refreshing to have her non-judgmental viewpoint on most issues of sexuality. Really insightful in so many ways. Her client Adele wants to be appreciated as she is, appreciated as a woman, and it doesn’t necessarily involve sex. Our quest for secure love conflicts with our pursuit of passion. Modern romance promises it all - a lifetime of togetherness, intimacy and erotic desire. Marriage is not the end of romance, it is the beginning. I thought the book was very smart and full of certainly not mainstream, yet much needed thoughts. Sure, things are great now, but am I setting the stage for an unhappy 2nd act? Mating in Captivity invites us to explore the paradoxical union of domesticity and sexual desire, and explains what it takes to bring lust home. With some fresh thoughts and ideas. We will be taking a slight transition by adding the hidden gems found in the books as well. In reality, it's hard to want what you already have. The author's thesis is that relationships require a gap for a spark to cross, or that too much intimacy kills sex. More exciting, playful, even poetic sex is possible, but first we must kick egalitarian ideals and emotional housekeeping out of our bedrooms. And so very recognizable! Welcome back. Argues for playfulness, distance, and uncertainty. What Adele longs for as a woman can be e. She makes many good points, but she doesn’t address the actual needs of intimacy for women as real. Mating In Captivity by Esther Perel Recommendations, Revelations and Hidden Gems. Esther Perel is the author of Mating In Captivity (Harper Collins),which has been published in 21 languages. There's a struggle in finding another person erotic and sexy when there's too much comfort and security. Mating In Captivity has a bit of a narrower focus than How to Make Love Last. Perel also emphasized the importance of play and the necessity for feeling of vulnerability and excitement in our love lives. She invites us to explore the paradoxical union of domesticity and sexual desire, and explains what it takes to bring lust home. Esther Perel (Author, Narrator), HarperAudio (Publisher) 4.6 out of 5 stars. To see what your friends thought of this book. Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic & the Domestic Audible Audiobook – Unabridged. Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence that already have 4.6 rating is an Electronic books (abbreviated as e-Books or ebooks) or digital books written by Perel, Esther (Paperback). The only way I can figure this book became an "international best seller" is because so often sensational sentences are mistaken for logical/interesting/valid ones. Author Esther Perel believes it is, but she thinks we can only generate sexual excitement by reassessing modern ideals around commitment and better understanding how our personal histories affect our behavior in the bedroom. Drawing on more than twenty years of experience as a couples therapist, Perel examines the complexities of sustaining desire. Mating in Captivity invites us to explore the paradoxical union of domesticity and sexual desire, and explains what it takes to bring lust home. For more about her, please visit www.estherperel.com Suggest a correction Copyright © 2021 HarperCollins Publishers All rights reserved. I love it! There’s always a place they haven’t gone yet, always something about the other still to be discovered.”, “Today, we turn to one person to provide what an entire village once did: a sense of grounding, meaning, and continuity. Perel offers great insight into human desire -- for love, sex, connection, space -- and how we tend to thwart the very intimacy we crave by applying judgement to our desires. I’ve been asked so many times on networking events where my husband was! 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